Why I’m Still Single

So, lately it’s seemed that those of us young folks who like progressive Christianity have a “post of the day” that we read, reblog, post on Facebook, retweet, text our friends about, and send information via carrier pigeon so all the world can know about it.  A few days ago, that post was entitled “My husband is not my soul mate”, written by a former-Evangelical-but-still-Christian woman who had since said “I Do” to the man she fell in love with.  Honestly, you should read the article (it’s not too long and quite enlightening, as well as funny).  I’ll wait.

Have you read it?  Good.  Now, I do relate to the article some, but not fully.  Why?  Well, the last I checked, I don’t have a ring on my left ring finger.  That’s right, I’m not married.  Or engaged.  Or in a relationship.  Or even in that weird phase known as “talking to” someone.  While I’ve had many opinions over the years as to why, I’ve finally determined why, in fact, I’m still single.  However, let’s first look at the things that are NOT reasons that I’m still single.

1. I am not single because God has a man waiting for me.  While the author of the article used Jeremiah 29:11 (the “infamous” graduation verse which states that “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”) while growing up to say “See!  I *will* have a husband that is, like, totes perf!”, I have had that verse used against me.  That’s right.  It’s been used against me.  When I have one of my sad, mopey, watch rom-coms and eat ice cream from the cartons days, people often come up and say “Just you be patient.  God has someone special picked out just for you!”  Well, I believe in God.  I believe he is all-powerful and wonderful and all that.  But, I believe he has more important things to do (you know…starving children, depletion of natural resources, people using his son’s name to propagate hate towards certain groups of people…) than find me my tall, blue-eyed, sports-loving, Christian, slightly geeky guy.  Honestly, if God was sitting up in heaven playing matchmaker like the woman from Mulan (with dignity, of course) instead of worrying about real problems, I’d be kinda mad.

2. I’m not single because I want to stay single forever.  One of my greatest dreams (which may sound odd from a feminist like myself) is to get married and have a family.  I absolutely adore children and would honestly feel unfulfilled in life if I never had any.  I teach children’s choir at my church, help with Vacation Bible School every year, and many kids at one of my workplaces (a store, in which I work in customer service) now know me and are quite joyful when they see me.  So yes, I do want a husband…one day.

3. I’m not single because I’m not “putting myself out there”.  I’ve actually had someone tell me (to my face) in one of those aforementioned mopey days that I’m single because of my own faults…and those faults being that I don’t put myself out there.  I do.  I go out on occasion (though less now, as I have to be up most mornings at 8am), have been told by many people that I’m quite flirtatious, and have profiles on a few dating sites (to quite little avail).  It’s not like I refuse to talk to anyone and then hide whenever I see a possible bachelor!

4. I’m not single because I’ve not met anyone potential.  To the contrary, I’ve met several “potentials”.  Some I’ve flirted with.  Some I’ve gone on lunch or coffee “dates” with.  Some I’ve liked for a while and then realized that they are most assuredly NOT my type.  I’ve met potential guys, but for whatever reason (be it his, mine, or any other), nothing has become manifest.

5. I’m not single because I’m too picky.  Some people say I’m picky when it comes to dating.  Well, here’s my “criteria”.  You must be never-married, be educated, not smoke, and be an accepting Christian (that is, a non-fundamentalist Christian).  Also, obviously, some traits, such as honesty, faithfulness, positive most of the time, and not being a jerk are givens.

I’ve had many people wonder why I’m single.  They say to me “Hey, you’re a great girl.  You’re nice, compassionate, pretty, funny, smart, etc…I don’t know WHY you’re single!”

I’ll tell you why.

I’m single because I choose to be.  That’s it.  Could I not be single?  Definitely.  But, for whatever reason, at this moment, I choose to be single.  Do I always love it?  No.  Especially as I see friend after friend get married, I realize that I don’t want to live a life of singlehood for long.  But, for now, I’m single.  And that is no one’s choice but my own.

And, who knows, maybe there is a tall, dark, and handsome young man with an accent who likes “Doctor Who”, Mexican food, and going on long hikes in the woods out there that’s looking for a short, slightly spastic, loud, opinionated young woman.

Or maybe there’s not.

And you know what?

That’s cool.

Because one day I’ll meet someone and we’ll pick each other to fall stupidly in love with.

But for now, I’m single.

And that’s okay.